The Boat Race

So, I'm sat there
on the rowing machine
Cox's view of the 'varsity race
before me on the screen

At this point I should mention
I'm in my living room
Stacks of 'fitness monthly'
piled behind me in the gloom

I'm waiting for the magic words "they're off"
I tense because I hear the umpire cough
a pistol shot, then, pull, pull, the Cox's cry
I feel the muscles, taut, along my inner thigh

My rhythm quickly sought and duly found
A glance towards the enemy confirms we're losing ground
The cox picks up the pace to close the gap
The wind, in frank reply, removes his cap

I knew my efforts, good enough to win the tie
were doomed before the starting shot had split the sky
I knew... I heard the umpire clear his throat
Why did they put the camera in the losing boat?

© 2005 Kahdoosch